"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain... When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy." - Kahlil Gibran
Well... I made it to Akaroa! Another place from my 15 year old dreams. Hitch hiking thus far has been full of such fabulous experiences and people. Some of the best friends I've made out here have been through sticking out my thumb on the side of the pavement, being picked up by people with the kindest hearts, and having hours to talk to our hearts content and get to know one another.
Clemence from France was my angel this time. We had a fabulous time driving north together. Through torrential downpours, rolling green farmland, and all the way East to the coastal peninsula town of Akaroa, where the sun shared her happiness like a woman on her wedding day, and the water was such a color of blue I kept blinking - unsure if I could believe this was real! We giggled about the name of her car, found so many commonalities in our individual experiences of traveling solo through New Zealand, pushing ourselves to discover what type of women lay beneath our strange-tan-line streaked skin, and just so happened to be in the same field of study: Psychologist and Social Worker. Geeking out on this topic, we got each other's lingo. We had fish n chips and L&P next to the ocean together, and hiked forever to see a "monument" ... If you could call it that. I will definitely be visiting her in France.
My hostel was FANTASTIC! I loved the funky, run down, pieced together style it had. So many hostels have so much character out here, and it's fun finding a home away from home. I was camping (as I often do at hostels if they offer sites, it's much cheaper, and quieter!) The site was AMAZING. Located at the very back of the hostel in this secluded garden, through an ivy and wildflower covered arch lay two campsites, separated by a white picket fence. I had both all to my silent little self. A bubbling brook sang just to the side, and the whole area was enclosed in vines and flowers and trees and... It was just lovely.
In the evening, I took a throw blanket out from the couch to my tent. You know... For a little more comfort. Well... Little did I know this would start a HUGE saga of tears and frustration... turning into smiles and laughter, as they often inevitably do, eventually.
I woke up at about 2:45 AM itching in an unfamiliar way (I'm used to itching from all the lovely sandflies.) The thought "bed bugs" ran through my mind, but I ignored it. 3:45ish I awoke itching again. I put on my torch, and began inspecting the blanket. Well, what do you know but there were definitely little tiny bed bugs all in it (blanket was white. Very easy to see.)
I threw the blanket out of my tent and proceeded to strip down in the pitch black, take EVERYTHING out of my tent, shake it as hard as I could. I left the contaminated paraphernalia outside the hostel and put my stuff back in my tent. There was nothing I could do till morning, so I tried to sleep.
I texted a dear friend of mine and he helped research for me (I had no wifi) on what I should do to get rid of them. I have absolutely no self control with Google when I am researching something crazy or gross, especially Google images. Thus, I was exceptionally grateful for him, so that I did not get carried away in sobbing my eyes out and looking at photos of those nasty things for hours on end.
Steps included: Shaking everything out, drying on HIGH heat, bagging into black garbage bags and leaving to bake in sun.
It took me over an hour to fall back into my blissful, garden, bubbling-stream-lullaby sleep. But, with reassurance from my friend and a real lullaby, I was finally able to fall into a restless sleep. Sleep nonetheless.
To zoom the saga a bit quicker.. I found another hostel, they agreed to pick me up at noon. The laundromat was broken. Found a commercial laundromat that agreed to dry my stuff. Asked for a refund from my hostel. Got it. Went to buy groceries since the new hostel was all the way out of town. I was quite the sight to see: Huge black trash bag full of my laundry and sleeping bag, two backpacks (a wonderful friend I met out here gave me his old one since mine broke!) My day pack clipped to the side of my bigger bag since I didn't have time to properly pack, parading around town in my cut off sunflower dress (my laundry dress), rain jacket, and Chacos. I was flustered, tired and exhausted.
Well, the other hostel drove all the way down to inform me they had "closed their camping that day... The owner didn't want to keep it open for just one." So... I called the only other hostel in town. They said they had a vacancy, until 5 min later they changed their minds... So, unless I wanted to sleep illegally in the bush and risk getting fined, there was nowhere else I could come close to affording to stay... Other than: The bed bug infested hostel.
I dragged my tired, bug bitten, exhausted, broke little ass back to the hostel and asked if I could camp again. The "manager" (a kid who looked younger than me) came and informed me that I could not stay there due to my "disruptive behavior" and that he had "called the other hostels in town informing them not to let me stay there... We do NOT have a bedbug issue." ..........
So instead of taking care of the issue at hand, they blackmail me? Awesome.
I would like to take this opportunity to point out: just because a woman holds a FIRM ground on something, stands up for herself, brings up an issue, or talks in a stern voice - that does not make her a "bitch." It is a story repeated over and over in women's lives, that when we aren't just "sweet little angels, bending over backward for anyone or anything," that we are seen as rude, needing to "calm down," or "shut our mouths." I sincerely will continue to work on confronting this microaggression in my own life and hope it will someday change. I was not anywhere near "rude" or "disruptive" to this hostel in any way. However, because I am a woman, and they didn't like what I had to say, no one listened or took me seriously.
So. I found a "Top 10 Holiday Park" a short 30 min walk out of town and hiked up to it... To discover the most breathtaking, serene, spectacular, calming, wonderful campsite I had ever seen!!
I was reminded vividly, and spectacularly, how it is sometimes our most difficult experiences, that lead to our most beautiful moments.
This Holiday Park is... Perfect. And, I don't often use that term. My little red home is situated a top a green, rolling hill. Dotted with wildflowers, soft as velvet, and beautiful as far as the eye can see. I have no one around me. The view... Well, the view is SPECTACULAR! To say the least. Trees filled with consistently singing, chirping birds that fill the fresh air with color and life surround the hill. They lay low enough in front of me to show off the breathtakingly blue ocean, the color of a newborn baby's eyes, dotted specks of white, that become sail and fishing boats when eyes are squinted hard enough. Gorgeous hills guarding the next bay over lay majestically across the oceanfront.
No one talks to me. No bar music is blaring through a glass window. The sky is clear, and blue, and will soon be sparkling with constellations and streaked Milky Way. There is not a cloud to block my view, other than the puffy marshmallow ones in the distance that accentuate the mountain tops and make the sailboats resting on the blue pop even more. My home does not need her rainfly tonight, and is open and free and able to breath so clearly.
I spent all day heating all that I own in black trash bags and soaking up the rays myself. I found myself staring at the beauty of the bay for several minutes at a time without realizing. My skin, soul and mood are LOVING the Vitamin D!
I. AM. BLESSED.
Had that hostel never been infested with bed bugs, blackmailed me, and then turned me away, had the other hostels not decided to close their camping and change their minds after promising me a site, I would never have found this spectacular, healing place.
I even have enough food now for the rest of my few days! So I don't have to walk back into town.
This is exactly what my heart has been calling for. Though not in the way I would have imagined, fate has brought me, once again, exactly where she wants me.
Story. Of. My. Life.
My sweet Mother recently sent me a quote similar to my favorite one by Kahlil Gibran scripted above. "Only the soul that knows mighty grief can know the mighty rapture. Sorrow comes to stretch out places in the heart for joy." - Edwin Markham
My sister also sent me a link with some secrets to life from a 92 year old woman. One was to remember, that "no matter how enjoyable, or difficult, a situation is... It. Will. End."
I love how in tune my family is with me. How true these concepts are. Enjoy the good while it holds us, and breathe deeply with our ujai breath through the bad. In Christian, Biblical terms, "This too shall pass."
And, it has. I recognize that this moment of bliss I currently exist in will also pass. For that, I choose to soak it all in and enjoy it as it is. Right now. In this moment.
With that, I am going to put down my pen and paper, watch the rest of the sunset with both my wild eyes, and soak in the moment with some of my favorite delicacies for my taste buds to simultaneously enjoy.
Situations, life circumstances, and people - aren't always what they seem. Some of the most important people to me, and most memorable experiences, came through some of my ultimately most difficult experiences. I wouldn't change knowing them, or experiencing life in the way that had made me, me... For anything.
My pain truly does enable me to more fully appreciate and experience my joy.
Xx Rachel